Mother I Sober

Original

I'm sensitive. I feel everything. I feel everybody. One man standing on two words.

Heal everybody. Transformation, then reciprocation. Karma must return.

Heal myself. Secrets that I hide buried in these words. Death threats.

Ego must die, but I let it purge. Pacify. Broken pieces of me. It was all a blur. Mother cried.

Put they hands on her. It was family ties. I heard it all.

I should have grabbed a gun, but I was only five. I still feel it weighing on my heart.

My first tough decision. In the shadows clinging to my soul as my only critic. Where's my faith?

Told you I was Christian, but just not today.

I transformed, praying to the trees. God is taking shape.

My mother's mother followed me for years in her afterlife, staring at me on back of some buses. I wake up at night.

Loved her dearly. Traded in my tears for a Range Rover. Transformation.

You ain't felt -grief till you felt it sober. -I wish I was somebody.

Anybody but myself.

Oh,

I wish I was somebody.

Anybody but myself.

I remember looking in the mirror knowing I was gifted. Only child.

Me for seven years. Everything for Christmas. Family ties. They accused my cousin.

"Did he touch you, Kendrick? " Never lied, but no one believed me when I said he didn't.

Frozen moments, still holding on it. Hard to trust myself. I started rhyming.

Coping mechanisms to lift up myself.

Talked to my lawyer, told me not to be so hard on myself. He has an aura I hope to achieve if I find some help. Congratulations.

Made it to be famous. Still, I feel uneasy. Water watching. Live my life in nature.

Only thing relieves me. Spirit God whisper in my ear, tell me that she sees me.

"Did he touch you? " I said no again. Still, they didn't believe me.

Mother's brother said he got revenge for my mother's face. Black and blue. The image of my queen that

I can't erase. Till this day, can't look at him in the eyes. Pain is taking over.

Blame myself. You never felt guilt till you felt it sober.

I wish I was somebody.

Anybody but myself.

Oh, I wish I was somebody.

Anybody but myself.

I was never high. I was never drunk. Never out my mind. I need control.

They handed me some smoke, but still I declined. I did it sober. Sitting with myself.

I went through all emotions. No dependents except for one. Let me bring you closer.

Intoxicated. There's a lustful nature that I failed to mention.

Insecurities that I project. Sleeping with other women. Whitney's hurt. The purest soul I know.

I found her in the kitchen asking God, "Where did I lose myself, and can it be forgiven? " Broke me down. She looked me in my eyes. "Is there an addiction?

" I said no, but this time I lied. I knew that I can't fix it. Pure soul.

Even in her pain, know she cared for me. Gave me a number, said she recommended some therapy.

I asked my mama why she didn't believe me when I told her no.

I never knew she was violated in Chicago. I'm sympathetic. Told me that she feared it happened to me.

For my protection, though it never happened, she wouldn't agree. Now I'm affected.

Twenty years later, trauma has resurfaced. Amplified.

As I write this song, I shiver 'cause I'm nervous. I was five. Questioning myself long for many years.

Nothing's wrong, just results on how them questions made me feel. I made it home.

Seven years of tour. Chasing manhood, but Whitney's gone.

By the time you hear this song, she did all she could. All those women gave me superpowers, what I thought

I lacked. I pray our children don't inherit me and feel inside tracked.

A conversation not being addressed in Black families.

The devastation haunting generations and humanity. They raped our mothers, then they raped our sisters.

Then they made us watch, then made us rape each other.

Psychotic torture between our lives. We ain't recovered.

Still living as victims in the public eyes who pledge allegiance. Every other brother has been compromised. I know the secrets.

Every other rapper sexually abused.

I see them daily burying their pain in chains and tattoos. So listen close before you start to pass judgment on how he move.

Learn how he cope. Whenever his uncle had to walk him from school, his anger grows.

Deep in misogyny. This is post-traumatic. Black families and a side of me.

Today, it's still active, so I set free myself from all the guilt that I thought I made.

So I set free my mother, all the hurt that she titled shame. So I set free my cousin.

Chaotic. For my mother's pain.

I hope Hakeem made you proud 'cause you ain't die in vain. So I set free the power of Whitney. May she heal us all.

So I set free our children. Make good karma keep them with God.

So I set free the hearts filled with hatred. Keep our bodies sacred. As I set free all your abusers.

-This is transformation. -I wish I was somebody.

Anybody but myself.

Oh, I wish I was somebody.

Anybody but myself.

You did it.

I'm proud of you.

You broke a generational curse.

Say thank you, Dad.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Mommy.

Thank you, brother.

Mr.

Morale.

Before I go and fast asleep, love me for me.

I bear my soul and now we're free.